I can't think of food at a time like this!

I love Lance Kanamori. Yes you, Lance. You're amazing, even if you were sort of weirded out by me wanting to give you a hug.

Let me contextualize: As a fourth-generation midwestern Japanese American, with an American historical narrative that includes the Japanese Internment not only as a moment of historical significance but the event that shaped and defined my family's migratory pattern to Southeastern Michigan after WWII, I have heard of the Japanese American National Museum. What an understatement. More accurately, I have worshipped the site from afar for years as this magical place where the walls of silence that my grandmother keeps to deal with her pain will come down and I will finally have a better understanding of what it means for me to be mixed, of color, Asian, Japanese American... you name it.

The silence is part of my history. And, I guess, so is the confusion, and notion of being conspicuous whereever I go. But I've always felt this drive and pressure to know and understand this part of my family's past--understanding, I recognize, will never be complete and never can be--so I already knew a lot of the facts that Babe told us about. The Munson Report, for example, I am familiar with. I have seen the map of the US with those squares and triangles denoting the camps more times than I can count. But his stories and personal anecdotes...

I'm tearing up now. I nearly cried in the museum on several occasions.

Mr. Karasawa spoke like my grandma. Same inflections, "foggy" voice. But he's in great shape (physcial and mental, more than I can say about my grandma in regards to the former) and... not afraid to share. He gave a voice, a real voice, to all of the second-hand accounts, oral histories, and personal narratives I've read to fill my grandma's silence.

The one thing my grandma will say is that, on some Fridays, her camp would have a bonfire and everyone would dress up in their kimonos if they had them and dance. Her children told her she was crazy. I had never read anything like it anywhere. But when cleaning out her flat in Detroit, my mom found a picture, and my grandma was so excited that she could prove it wasn't something she had dreamed up.

The JANM has these books, one for each camp, where survivors can write their names, their time in the camp, and a memory, or person they want to find. I want to go back and look at these books. We didn't have much time on Friday. Really, I need to go back anyway, to fully absorb everything.

My brother and I made a detour to the Rohwer site on the way out to L.A. All that's left is a cemetery, in the middle of a farm, in the middle of nowhere, Arkansas. We almost passed it and left, having found the "Rohwer Memorial Cemetery" sign but no cemetery. Steven knew how much it meant to me and offered to go drive by again, this time taking the road into the fields. And in the grove of trees in the middle of the field... was the cemetery. And that was all that was left. I mean, the government's smarter than that... to waste land and keep a physical reminder of what they subjected citizens to. So it wasn't a surprise. But it was a pilgrimmage of sorts nonetheless.

The JANM had a barrack moved from the Heart Mountain site.

Then, to top it all off, the JANM currently has a Kip Fulbeck exhibit! Way to cater to me and my interests, JANM!

I have thought about going to the JANM for years, but L.A. seemed a little far to visit just for a museum. And now, not only did I get to see the museum, but I got a tour!

I definitely need to go back. You know, since I'm here and all.

Besides, I couldn't decide what to buy from the gift shop, and I can't just leave that opportunity go to waste.

"Jack in the Box and Mango Indulgence"

My french roommate and I went to San Diego this weekend. It was incredible. Not only did I get to see a real, live panda--see below--but we looked at the beautiful houses on Coronado. What I would do to live in one of those houses! And dinner was quite surprising.

The panda was kind of sad... she was pacing back and forth. Zoos are sad. I love to look at animals, but I always feel bad. There are a bunch of people gawking at animals, animals which can no longer survive in the wild, and cooing about how exotic and beautiful, blah blah blah they are. Meanwhile, the animals pace back and forth out of boredom and lack of space... the poor birds! Netted in, can't even see the sky without an obstruction. Lulu said they don't know any better. It's still sad.

Like any responsible insitituion, however, the San Diego Zoo did use their social positioning to push some conciousness-raising. Near the polar bears, there were 3-d models depicting how the ice caps have receeded in the past 50 years. There were huge pieces showing graphs of CO2 emmissions, glass display cases showing a cross-section of dirt as it has changed in the past 2000 years (ending with a lot of plastic packing peanuts and twinkie wrappers), and lots of fossils showing animals that have gone extinct. I felt guilty. More effective still, would be some suggestions of what I can do to help. I know I should recycle. But why do we make so much plastic but only recycle types 1 & 2 in most places? The ice caps are melting. Okay. What should I do, San Diego Zoo? I would love some guidance. Thanks.

"Sweet Tea Vodka Lemonade"

Ah. Friday. Gotta love hanging out with the interns. Drinks in West Hollywood at 2pm on a beautiful Friday afternoon? Where else could I ever want to be?

The meeting Wednesday was interesting. Granted, I was exhausted because I had been at work since 9:30am and didn't leave the parking lot until 9:30pm. I think it was worth it nonetheless. I sat in on a Diversity and Affirmative Action Roundtable, hosted by SAG and AFTRA (American Federation of Television and Radio Artists), to collect concerns, etc. when SAG and AFTRA go into contract renegotiations later this year. In the beginning, I sat at the sign-in table and checked SAG membership cards to insure the press didn't get through, and the members welcomed me to the guild. No super-huge names, but a couple who are, indeed, on my database list.

The meeting starts and the AFTRA sign-in lady--who, although very nice and motherly, did scare the crap out of me by telling me a story about how her 20 year old daughter got attacked at 8:30pm in Silverlake and how I should "not make myself a victim"--wants to leave at 8pm. You can't leave member information just laying unattended on the tables in front, so my supervisor told me to collect the sign-in sheets and come in to the meeting. The AFTRA lady asks if I would mind watching the sign-in tables until 8:30 (the discussion is set to go until 9pm) because she doesn't feel comfortable leaving the front unmanned. I politely say that, yes, I would mind. I am not on the clock. I do not have to attend this meeting. I stayed after work to attend this meeting, not work it. I thought about AJ, who reminds us we need to manage our supervisors and not let them take advantage of our intern status, and did not feel guilty. It was a personal victory.

Once in the actual meeting, I listened to the members discuss the variety of problems. The diverse "American scene" is still not portrayed in film and television. Minority groups, like people of color and people with disabilities, still cannot get work. How they want to collect statistics, but many refuse to self-identity because it limits their work. About how jobs should be based on who you can play, not what you are. Yet, in the same vein, they want descrip roles reserved for them first. They argue that Artie, on Glee, should have been cast as someone who actually uses a wheelchair. Glee was mentioned 17 thousand times. They were upset because Kevin McHale is winning awards for his performance, a job that could have (and in their minds, should have) gone to... well, not him.

But isn't it about who you can play, not what you are?

The SAG and AFTRA Staff tried to explain that the unions cannot boycott or push for the kind of action these members wanted to see because Glee's Artie is a union member and has a right to work just like they do. Members on their own can boycott; the union cannot. The union cannot favor some members over others.

I understand the precarious position of SAG. I understand their frustration with lack of jobs, lack of roles written to express the diversity of theAmerican scene. Especially in regards to people with disabilities. Color is wrapped up in politics of selling and appeal, but ability gets ignored so frequently. John Locke on Lost, although sometimes a wheelchair user, could not have been played by someone who actually uses a wheelchair because the magic island gave him the ability to walk again. And that writing makes some sense: a potentially-hostile tropical island isn't the best place for people with physical difficulties, you know, with all that sand.

But I couldn't help thinking--and perhaps this is a sign of what a horrible person I am, or just that I've been reading too much Ayn Rand--"what if, out of all the people the Glee Casting Directors auditioned for the role of Artie, Kevin McHale was the best? What if they did audition many actual wheelchair users but Kevin McHale played the part best? Isn't it about who he can play not what he is?"

They want their cake and to eat it too. They want descript roles to be reserved for them, but they want to play lots of other parts. As one member said, "you will never have a career playing the disabled character."

Ugh. I don't know. It's complicated.

What's not complicated: waiting in the Pacific Design Center Parking Lot until the drunkenness subsides so I can drive home. What fool told me I was capable of drinking the whole thing by myself? Haha I love you guys.

This was not in my forecast for today.

ZOMG EARTHQUAKE.

Let me repeat. EARTHQUAKE.

The building is on rollers? What?

Oh, and Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are two of the producers of the 2010 Karate Kid. I thought that was... interesting.

SAG Diversity Roundtable 7-9pm. So guess who's at work until 9pm?

Exciting day. I'm a little nauseous from the rolling of a building I expected to be... I dunno. Not moving.

"probably Packaged Ramen for dinner, but it's still early so who knows?"

I need some Mountain Dew. I'm tired beyond all get out. I wonder if there are any vending machines in this building. I haven't seen any as of yet.

Last week I was extremely estatic about the 10-day L.A. forecast, predicting sunshine every day, all day, from then until forever. Should've knocked on wood. Today marks Day Two of gloom. Do gray skys follow me or something? I've been wearing tights under my slacks and a sweater to work for the past two weeks... meanwhile, in Michigan, I see status update after status update complaining of heat waves, people melting, and general lack of air conditioning. This morning I used the heat in my car because my feet were cold. I guess it doesn't matter that my car's air conditioning doesn't work, huh?

Today I discovered You Offend Me You Offend My Family, mostly because of their "Movies that Should Have Starred Asians" section. (I really should explore the internet caverns more often; you probably wonder where have I been, under a rock?) When you sit, like I do, making notes of all the movies that have APIs, are directed by APIs, concern API topics... well, it's hard to imagine a world where the Godfather starred Asians. They have one about Star Wars and Lucas' influence by the Vietnam War. When my roommates were forcing me to watch the series (in release, not chronological, order), I might have been more invested/less sleepy if they had found and shown me this first: http://youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com/movies-that-should-have-starred-asians-the-star-wars-trilogy/

I almost got into a car crash yesterday. Some dummy waited until I, with my green light, was in the middle of the intersection to begin his left-hand turn. Really? Tires screech, we almost collide head on. So scared I didn't even think to honk. Honestly, though, I never think to honk; it gives me away as non-native almost as much as my license plate, no matter how great I am at navigating traffic.

Tonight's forecast: Crayon quest beginning around 5pm. Short naps becoming multiple REM cycles likely. High probability of a non-nutritious dinner at home, unless a text surprises me with an invitation to something more exciting.

"Zesty Pickles and PB&J"

Every day when I show up to the office, the man stamping parking validations smiles wishes me a good day. He remembers my name from my first day when he gave me a nametag. :)

"Lots of PB&J"

I finally got internet at SAG today, which--combined with my iPod--made today fairly enjoyable. The week's been pretty routine. Waking up, driving in traffic, sitting at my desk, looking up APIs in the industry, driving in traffic, sitting at home.

My project is pretty cool. I've begun to recognize some major API ballers just from tracking down names of producers, directors, writers, actors, etc. and have complied a list of like, 500 movies I didn't know existed but sound fantastic and feature API actors. Rice Rhapsody, White on Rice, Princess of Nebraska, The Motel, Why Am I Doing This?... and movies to watch out for that haven't hit the market yet: A Conscise Chinese English Dictionary for Lovers, Color Me Love, Seeing Red, Surrogate Valentine, Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, Almost Perfect.

Something that I've noticed, though, is the methodology which I've been employing. I sit and think to myself "Oh yes, Jackie Chan was in Rush Hour. Let's add that to my list." So Rush Hour and Jackie Chan go on their respective lists, and by clicking on Jackie Chan I can get a huge number of other movies that have APIs in them (because, duh, Jackie Chan's in it at the very least). And, as with any good API persona in the entertainment industry, Jackie's done an 'API film'--i.e. produced, directed, written by and for APIs with APIs cast--and while API films are not independent of non-API help (financing, writing, what have you), those are the gold mines. Generally speaking, if you have an API director like Ang Lee, Wayne Wang, or Gurinder Chadha, you will also find a high concentration of API actors and some of the only API producers. (Save for M. Night. The only connection he has is through the large number of APIs he cast in The Last Airbender, and we know how that turned out for him).

Speaking of which! First protest tomorrow!

But, yes, let's return to the topic at hand before it slips away again. API actors lead you to API directors. API directors lead you to API actors in lead roles. APIs in other movies are movies about Asia--usually centuries ago and across oceans, like Memoirs of a Geisha--and focus on a white character. Think The Last Samurai or The World of Suzie Wong. In my mind, this seems to suggest some sort of problem, although I don't know how to solve it. I'd love to write and produce films, but I'd write about API topics and cast APIs and... I guess you could call me an API writer, falling into the same pattern. Huh. I could pretend to be white and get discredited for not understanding the API experience. I could pull a M. Night and cast whites in hero roles to distance myself from an API genre, if there is such a thing. Yet neither of these options seem that appealing.

Now, don't get me wrong. Wayne Wang, Ang Lee, and Gurinder Chadha have all done non API films. And I think that's freaking awesome. This is probably the best solution I could have come up with. Do both.

But then there's the problem of all these films existing and I had no idea! Films in the last decade, even, not the mid 80's and 90's API film renaissance that I've learned about in school. Another time, another place, I suppose.

And until then I leave you with quote I saw on wikipedia while researching my project: "In reply to a studio executive who said 'I suppose Woo can direct action scenes,' Quentin Tarantino has been quoted as saying 'Sure, and I suppose Michelangelo can paint ceilings!' " (John Woo is noted for his fight scenes in movies like Face/Off and Mission Impossible: 2)